I'm not homeless anymore!  LOL

Yup.  We signed the lease tonight!  Hooray!

We are in celebration mode here in the tiny apartment. :)  Got sparklers for the kidlets. 

Finally.  Something in our lives is resolved.  We move in ten days (again!).  Tomorrow my hubby has a meeting about the job/salary negotiations.  Then the real party starts!

More details about our new digs tomorrow.  You are not going to believe this place.  I'm feeling like I have a horseshoe you know where ;)

I am planning on sleeping like a log tonight.......

:)

So just to draw things out a bit more - the lease signing had been moved to tomorrow.  grrrr......

Seriously!  I. Do. Not. Need. Anymore. Drama!

On a good note.  I am having a really good hair day.  You know - little effort and yet it looks perfect today.  Ahh.  It really is the little things in life....:)

I think I am reaching the climax of this chapter of my life story.  You know - the part of the story with the most intensity.  The MAXIMUM drama.  This has got to be it.  (please!!!)

Get something cold/warm to drink and cozy on up.  This is a going to have you on the edge of your seat.

So where did I leave off?  Oh yes.  I posted about getting ready for my hubby's big job interview and the really great leads on the house hunting.  So why do I feel like we are right in the most intense part of the story?  Well, read on my friends.  Read on.  (Missed the start? Read here for the reason my life is upside down.)

After I blogged Thursday night I went to bed.  But I could not sleep.  I suffer from insomnia but this was like nothing else.  Usually after some serious awake time I eventually fall asleep.  Even if it is just an hour or two.  Thursday night - nothing.  Not one single second of sleep was to be had for me.  I tried all my usual tricks.  I have 3 movies that I watch over and over that make me fall asleep from sheer boredom but I watched one of them twice!  No sleep.  I tried everything else I could think of.  I then decided to read.  I read the entire book.  I love to read and can get hooked into books so I don't like to read if I have insomnia (keeps me awake) but this one was really drab.  Textbook boring.  Should have put me to sleep in 2.2 seconds. 

So when my hubby got up to get ready to go to the airport at the crack of dawn he was shocked that I was STILL awake.  I have never, ever had this happen to me.  Could you say anxious about life?  Yup,  I think so.  Apparently I was nervous for my hubby (he slept like a log! grrr) and anxious about our shelter situation.

So hubby was kissed, wished good luck and dropped at the airport. 

Ahh, now it's time to start my day (or technically just continue the really long day I have already started).  Got to love 6am.  LOL 

So I get the kidlets ready for school.  Tired and cranky is all I want to say.  This life stuff is hard on them too.  So off they go - lunches, homework and kisses.

Now house hunting for me.  Appointments, viewings, applications, paperwork, phone calls - then decision time.  Decision made then....

Bad news.  They won't accept our dog.  No matter how we insist that she is the perfect dog they say no.  (Grr to all the renters out there who have ruined it for responsible pet owners. ) So now back to more decisions, more phone calls, more stress.  More, more, more.  So after much deliberation we make a very hard decision.  We will have to let our dog go live elsewhere, with someone else.  Ouch, but I have always been a firm believer that dog are animals (funny that I think that huh?) and animals do not come before humans.  It always seemed so black and white my whole life.  As hard as it is, we need to put ourselves before the dog.  But I didn't count on how it would make us all feel.  I didn't count on the grey.

You see, we have had Merc, our dog, for 10+ years.  To us she is the ultimate dog.  I have had lots of dogs over my lifetime but I have never been as attached to a pet as I am to her.  It is how we all feel about her. She really is our ultimate dog. I was not prepared on how giving her up would make us all feel.  More loss on top of all the other losses we have had in the last 8+ weeks.  She is alive and loved.  Not a material item at all.  Material items can come and go.

There were tears and heartache when the kids were told.  It felt different then having to tell them we needed to start over.   Different then needing to move, start a new school and make changes in our lifestyle.  Those were beyond our control.  Someone else had forced us into all that because of what they had done.  This dog thing felt in our control.  We actually had to make this decision.  We couldn't do it.  Just could not do it.  I couldn't inflict anything else on my darling kidlets after they had been so brave through all this.  No. No. NO!

So more phone calls, more looking at rentals, more stress. I have been awake now for 30+ hours and running on pure adrenaline.  I cannot tell you how tired I was.  Plus, I was dying to hear from my husband about his job interview.  So I talked with my mom, my sisters - anyone who loved me and could help me with all this decision making and stress -lots of advice and shoulders to lean on. 

Then I picked up my hubby from the airport.  Good news.  They loved him!  They think he is the bees knees.  LOL.  The right dude for the job.  Ahhhh, smile.   I knew he would be amazing.  He is an amazing dude.  I am so proud of him.  All that is left is salary negations.  That is the only stressful thing left in regard to this to go through.  Then we can relax.

But he is now exhausted.  The interview lasted 6 hours.  SIX HOURS!  Can you imagine a job interview lasting 6 hours? Plus flying which is always weirdly tiring.  Imagine giving quick, smart answers, making sure you are looking perfect for the job, and just generally being on your toes for that length of time?  Total exhaustion since there are no reserves left.

So then we went back to my mom's.  Have I mentioned how small it is?  This is what it looks when we are all in the apartment.

You see that little bit of space left near the ceiling?  That's only there ‘cause my mom wasn't home. ;)

It was pure bedlam.  The phone would not stop ringing with house rental stuff.  Hubby is zonked.  I was exhausted.  The kidlets had reached their breaking point.  (We have tried to shelter them from as much as possible but they are still aware.  The stress is taking a toll on them too.)  So more tears, more cuddles, more love.  Austin, my husband, lay down on the floor to play Star Wars with Magnus.  Complete mistake. J  He was asleep in about 10.7 seconds.  LOL, poor guy.  So I cuddled and played and gave as much TLC as I could.  I did the mom thing.  You know - keep going ‘cause they need you.  I was the energizer bunny!  I was now awake for about 36 hours. 

So I eventually get the kidlets to bed, get my husband off the floor and into bed and then quiet.... I was going to bed.  (I was even looking forward to that dreaded double bed!)   I was so tired I had called the dog Magnus and Magnus by the dog's name - more than once!  LOL.  I am not sure I knew what my own name was at that point.

So I go to bed. 

Surprise, surprise - I cannot fall asleep.  How is that even possible at this point?  LOL.  Again, like the night before I pulled everything out  of my bag of insomnia tricks.  Even those things that people who do not suffer from insomnia advise you to do, lol. (Please, unless you have insomnia on a regular basis please, please do not offer an insomniac sleeping advice.  They are libel to smack you - they are tired after all.  ;)  It is impossible to believe how ridiculous some of the "tips" people give are.)

But I digress.  I am a grouchy insomnic.

I was wound up.  It is hard to decompress with all this going on.  I did eventually sleep sometime after 2 am (had been awake for 40 hours).  But it was fitful and full of weird dreams. One was of me chatting on the phone to Barbara Streisand.  WHAT????  I cannot even remember the last time I even thought about B. Streisand, lol.  Another was about my husband trying to make this very strange and bizarre deck at a cottage I have no recollection of ever seeing.   Seriously. Weird. Dreams.

So now we are caught up to today. 

90% sure my hubby has a job - hooray!!!  Sweet, sweet relief.

Possible shelter (all those non-stop calls that were coming through during last night's bedlam). More on that in a bit.

This morning was a seriously crazy scramble as we had to go shopping for a birthday present for Harper's new friend.  She has been invited to very few non-family birthday parties over the years.  This is a really big deal. (Please, next birthday party your kidlet has - invite that one kidlet that doesn't quite fit in with everyone at school.  They could use some compassion.)  I am overwhelmingly happy about this for her.  Actually, I am feeling full of tears as I write this.  (I am a mom after all and she is my kidlet.)

So off she went to party. J Magnus needed some serious TLC so I spent a good chunk of this afternoon giving him what he needed.  Oh how this momma's heart aches for her kidlets.

Then Austin spent some one-on-one time with him.  I decided to take a nap because of the last 48 hours.  I feel as if I am walking through a fog.  I am anxious about shelter.  I need to find a place to live.  But guess what?

I CANNOT SLEEP.  My normal non-ability to sleep is caused by who knows what since I have dealt with it for years.  This is pure stress non-sleeping.  (That is a super technical terms it, lol)

So what do I do?  I eventually get up. J I need to occupy myself but I have no energy for anything really.  So I blog. J   I write this whole crazy life story out for you to read.  LOL.  I smile as I write ‘cause what can you do but laugh? I mean, could it be more dramatic than this?  Scratch that.  I don't want to know. 

I feel as if I am exaggerating and embellishing all this.  I mean, our lives were completely average 9 weeks ago.  Right now, every second of every day feels dramatic.  This feels like the climax though.  The. Climax. That. Is. Going. To. Finish. With. A. Happy. Ending.

Hubby is going to finalize that job thing really soon. 

I have a house.  Application approved.  Dog accepted - so glad we kept looking even though it added more stress.  Decisions all made.  I have apparently become superstitious because I am not going to tell you more about it.  All I will say is it almost too good to be true. I cannot relax about it though.  I need the ink to be dry on the lease.  We sign it tomorrow.

Deep breath.

You know what they say. It will make a great story some day, right?    

so get ready for a ramble today. :)

I am sitting down for the first time in what feels like days, possibly weeks (and it is late where I am).  I have actually been sitting down for a whole 20 minutes!  WOW!  And I haven't fallen asleep - now that is BIG!

So as I mentioned my life is crazy right now.  We are literally focused on the basics - shelter, food, warmth, etc.  You do not want to get any more basic than that.  Believe me :)

But I am smiling.  That is important me.  Life may throw what it wants at me but I want to smile.  I lost my smile many years ago for a time period and now I really value it.  Smiling is one of those things that I want to add to my life list - just under the basics I listed above.

So why the smile?  Well a couple of reasons.

I feel as if my life is turning around right now.  I have been living in limbo for 8 weeks now.  Scary, unknown limbo.  So what make me feel as if things are moving away from limbo? My husband has a major job interview tomorrow.  He has gone through the first 2 interviews and now he is being flown to their head office tomorrow.  This is good.  And for a job he will be really good at.  This would mean we can sleep at night again (well, maybe not in the double bed we are sharing right now!!!).  So fingers crossed on that front.  I know he will be amazing tomorrow so I have really great feeling about it.  This gives me something positive to focus on again - smile, smiles, smiles!  Send positive thoughts, please. :)

Next reason for a smile.

House hunting.  Holy man is that a horrible thing to do.  So why the smile?  Well, because I have a couple of really awesome leads.  We are planning to rent for a year as we get our lives stablized again and finding a rental has felt like finding a needle in a haystack.  We live near a really huge city (Toronto, Ontario, Canada) so you would think there would be tons of options with all the surrounding cities.  Well let me tell you - landlords are horrible in big cities. They just do not care. OK I know that is generalization but it is how I really feel after many, many days of seeing places (I literally spend all my days right now at appt for viewings).  I want a nice place. I really do not need a lot.  I grew up poor so I can do without a lot. I just want a space that we can live in.  I am not a fancy girl and know what is important in life.   I just want a place I feel safe and clean in.   Is that really too much to ask for?

But WOW - have I seen a lot in the last weeks!  And of course we are up against a deadline.  Oct 23rd actually.  So time is running out - we have had a few places that have been great but fallen through at the last minute (for various reasons) so there have been lots of ups and downs. 

But I digress.  I was telling you about the reason for my smile.  I have seen 3, yes, 3 places that would be great today!  I feel as it I hit the rental jackpot!  One is so close to our old lives - out in the country, with space for the kidlets to run and play that I want to spend hours daydreaming about it - silly smile plastered to my face of course!  Changing to city life has been a bit of a shock to us (I have a mental scrapbook page started about this phase of our live - called Changes - that lists all the differences we are experiencing right now).  By tomorrow at 7pm I hope to have a home for us.  More positive thoughts again, please.

And the other reason for a smile on my face?

Scrapbooking of course!  The other day Amy left me a comment here on the blog (I love reading these by the way).  She said that since I was so tired and felt it was too much to drag scrapbook supplies out from my tiny spot here at my mom's I should scrapbook digitally.  Sheer genious!  (Thank you so much Amy!)  Of course I need to drag nothing out but my laptop - and nothing to clean up after!

So for 15 minutes tonight I actually scrapbooked (this was the reason I didn't fall asleep on the couch before starting this blog entry).  Of course I am a paper girl through and through but digi sure is fun from time to time for me.

Here is what I made.

I know it is a terrible waste of space ;) but I just love this "paper" and the photos seemed to suit this format.

Here is a close up so you can actually see what I scrapped.

OH my they got the sillies something crazy this day!  I feel like I can still hear their giggles.

And the best thing (oh ya - another smile on my face) is eveything in this page is from this FREE kit!  Got to love free when your life is in a financial ruin!  ;)  (I did recolor a few things so maybe I need to put a tutorial of how to do that?? Let me know)

So lots of rambling (don't say I didn't warn you) and lots of smiles today.  I feel as if I can feel the edge of my life returning. :) 

But now I need to got to bed.  :)  5:30 am is awful early to get up to drop my hubby off at the airport.  So ta ta for now my cyber friends.  Be back soon with good new hopefully!

Remember - positive thoughts our way all day Fri - we need a job and a house!!

For the first time in what feels like a really long time I had the urge to scrapbook last night.

Of course I didn't. :(  I was much too tired.  I actually told myself that I was just going to sit for a minute with Magnus on the couch and of course I zonked out!  But what was important was I was thinking about it.  I have just been so drained lately with everything going on that there has been no creative urge in me at all.  Nothing.  I just looked at supplies as one more thing I was going to have to pack.

But last night, even through the exhaustion, I could feel it bubbling up in me.  Does creatively feel like a liquid that bubbles and flows through you?  For me it does.  Right now it is starting to wake and move around inside me - my fingers are just starting to itch to get messy and create.  Soon it will really start to flow and I will feel it like a liquid flowing through my veins.  Weird but that is how it feels to me.  Once it gets going it feels like a high to me as it flows out and into whatever I am creating.  I cannot wait for that feeling to be back again.  Since it has been on hold for a while I am sure I will go on a creative bender and stay up all night but the time is not right just yet.

One of the other things that stopped me last night (beside falling asleep) was that I would have to get my supplies out. (this of course goes down to being tired also)  I have been really lucky up until recently that my supplies were out - meaning, I had a spot in my house where my supplies belonged and that area wasn't used for anything else so I could leave things out.  Now I have no such area.  I am at my mom's apartment which is really crowded and though I have some supplies with me I have to keep them tucked away until I want to use them.  She, of course, is used to my creative messes and encourages me to get it all out whenever I want but to be honest it feels like work right now.  I know creating would help my stress levels but pulling stuff out and then putting it all back feels like work when I am so tired.  I feel for those of you who have to work like this all the time (yes, I know I was spoiled before but I did appreciate it!).   I can imagine after a long busy day of life it is hard to sometimes make the effort to take your stuff out and create.  I really admire those who do this - amazing!  I hopefully will do the same as you some day soon. :)

So no creating for me yet but it nice to feel like I might again sometime soon! 

But, my life has not been all stress lately.  I did get to welcome a new member into our family last week - a new nephew!  I actually got to wait at the hospital and meet him when he was less than an hour old.  Amazing!  It really puts everything into perspective when you welcome a new life into the world. This baby has been much anticipated (I have been dying for a baby to snuggle - especially one that I didn't have to give birth to!) and I got down to some serious baby snuggles time this weekend.  Ahh, pure bliss for me. 

Of course I dusted off the camera (haven't taken any pictures lately) and made my little nephew the star...

He is oh so tiny - just over 6lbs.   

And those of you with fair hair babies know that often they are bald so his shock of hair surprised us all - doctors included!  

All that hair is having a hard time deciding what color to be - red, blond and brunette are all in there.  We are not sure at this point what is going to win.  I, of course, am pulling for another red headed kidlet in the family - I'm kinda partial to them. ;)

And one of my favorite thing about tiny babies....

They have the BEST wrinkly feet!  I just love them!

So glad to have both baby and momma doing so well.  Stay tuned 'cause I am sure this little guy is going to make his way on to quite a few of my scrapbook pages! :)